April

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"April – the month when the flowers begin to bloom, and nature gets some relief from the weight of the cold, white blanket. April has been a cruel month in my life. This is the month it saw two of the most important and dearest persons in my life disappear forever into the depths of the cold and humid earth. My grandfather, first, my own father three years ago. April used to be a festive month during my early childhood. This was the month of my beloved grandmother's birthday, too. April was, then, not only–a festive month but also a very "spiritual" month. I firmly believed then in heavens and hell, in the Almighty and the saints, and the angels and the devils. This firm belief slowly gave way to an increasing distrust in all the icons which surrounded me. Everything around me began to appear to be much less mystical than those lofty ideas of a good, merciful and loving God– The world around me began to unveil its endless litany of cruelty, hatred, false pride, injustice, natural catastrophes, human-produced catastrophes, etc., etc. I began to realize that not only April was cruel, but every month of the year, every year during my lifetime, were equally cruel. And– festive, and paradoxical and inconsistent. Now April is also a month when I long for sunnier and warmer days ahead," ("April 10, 1998" Luís Aguiar April 10, 1998).